Relationships, the V-day special :P

Fall from Euphoria is hard. Particularly if fate takes away your emotional and physical security in a double whammy. It tempts you to go medieval on the spiritualists with their positive thoughts and cosmic intentions rants. And I was in a city that was filled with them. It was a few days past Valentine’s day and not easy times at all. You cannot always pick yourself up without help. Ms. N lent me a hand. Some people closed their curtains and shielded their children’s eyes when they saw her. I made excuses for her. “She ain’t so bad. When she holds my hand I can see the silver lining in even the darkest of clouds. And when she kisses my lips, and whispers to me what to do, it makes things so much more easier. Sure you need to let her know who is the Man, and I can do it.”

Me and Ms. A go back a long way. I first met her on the first week in college. We have been going steady since then. She could not understand my need for N. She has been loyal and cared deeply for me. She often caressed my head in her lap as I drifted off to sleep. But she was not there during the day. And I was a Man. Every man when faced with a choice between two, secretly wants them both. And I had them both. They hated it. For the night they would hide their differences and take me where I wanted to be. One would excite me and the other would calm me down. They would be the perfect hostess when Metallica and I partied together. But the next morning they would give me hell. After three months, A snapped. She got a restraining order. N could not be seen in the vicinity of A any longer. It was a clever move. My threesomes came to an end.

Its been a year that I have been double timing and I feel like a scumbag. The days have become a little brighter. But even a passing cloud makes me crave N’s company. It ached to not be with N. And of course A and I are meant to be forever, so that was never over. And then one day I stumbled over this gem from my childhood – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rK8oT2-Jyy4 ( the original song can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWqa_8QR4KU ). When something from the innocent past hits you, it hits you hard. I remembered my promise to show N who was the Man. I had been the fool all along. N made me feel like a man, but in effect I was her’s to play with. The failure to be her master haunted me. But the times spent with her … it would be hard to let go.

It is hard. Its been a few days I have not been seeing Ms. N. She has taken the break-up hard. She stalks me. She smiles her wicked seductive smile from behind roadside betel-leaf shops. She will walk past me in another man’s hands and look at me slyly and make it clear that she was pleasuring the man. Without Ms. A, I could not have gone through this. It’s the thought of my nights with her that keeps me sane during the day. Things would never go wrong with A. She loves me too much and when being with her starts hurting me, she leaves me alone for a few days. Giving space; the cornerstone of every successful relationship.

Those who tackle a conflict head on, seek stimulants. Those who tend to avoid them, seek depressants. And those who explain away the conflict with an alternate reality, seek hallucinogens. Ms. N was a stimulant. Ms. A is a depressant. And they say nothing about how I tackle conflicts, not anymore .

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